Life is one big adventure to us all, and those we add several different elements to it, such as marriage, children, jobs, etc, etc, can make for many different outcomes. Some are horrible disasters and some are so wonderful, that they are great blessings from God, Himself.
Sometimes, I go through events in my path that make me feel like I can no longer go on, because they hurt so much. The pain rips my heart from my chest, and I no longer want to live with the things that I have before me. I have done my deal of dishing out hurt to others, and I have suffered and tortured myself day and night about it to this very day. For that I am sorry, and I look to God for forgiveness.
I have always told myself that, "God will not put me through anything that I can't handle", and I firmly believe that. I often realize how much I underestimate myself, and my abilities that God has given me. I feel pain differently that you do, I handle hurt differently that you do as well. When I cry, I have nothing left, I am holding nothing back, because I am so broken down. I feel the way Jeremiah did in Lamentations 3:1-21. He describes how he beaten and so discouraged by what has happened to him, but the only faith he can find, is in God. Though his pain was very physical, and mine only very emotional. Either way, the hurt still feels the same. I may not have had bruises, or broken bones, but what I did have is a broken heart, and little hope.
This kind of pain falls on the heart like a fog. The fog of a broken heart slyly imprisons the soul and refuses to escape or release it. This feeling honors no hour, and respects no person. It can drive any one person to quit and give up on the greatest thing that has ever happened to them. Though, for once, I had to conquer the dreadful companions of this fog, and know that God will get me through this, as much as I can't figure out what to do next, He will give me a path.
I was so ready to leave, and never look back on it, or you ever again, but I couldn't. I love you too much, though at the same time, the hurt was more greater. I couldn't even look at you, I didn't even want to touch you. In my head I would pray, "God please, I am in need of your strength. I need you to fill me up with Your grace and forgiveness, in order for me to get through this. Father God, please give me a path to walk, to make me feel better, and to mend my heart. God, please tell me what I should do, and what is the right decision to make that is right by You, and right by my heart." With every second that passed, I said this over and over, choking back tears. I choked them back, not because I was afraid to cry in front of you, though I did want you to see the pain and the hurt that you caused me, but I did it because I wanted to be strong enough to handle myself and get through it.
As the minutes slowly creeped by, and the car ride seemed like it would never end, I knew that my prayer was heard, and that God was going to give me something to keep me going. I know this, and believe this because the Bible itself says in John 14:13 (The Answered Prayer) "And whatever you ask in My name, that I will do, that the Father be glorified in the Son. If you ask anything in My name I will do it." So I knew that in His time, He will answer me.
"God, I know that You forever dwell within my heart, because I have come to You, and asked You to make it Your home as well. You have blessed me with many things in my life that I am grateful for. You have tested my will and my heart for You, granted I may have fallen on my face a few times, before I have succeeded, You still stood beside me with Your unconditional love. I thank You for all the things in my life that you have blessed me with. "One ride, one try, one life to love with hopes and dreams of second chances"
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