Things

Sometimes I miss the little things.. Actually, I always miss the little things.. Because they are the one item that changes so quickly, and easily forgotten. I don't know how others view them, but to me, its the moments that make up the lifetime you have. They convey and create some of the greatest memories, or atleast they have in my life.

There are times that I don't even like chocolate ice cream anymore, and most of the time, its when I am sad.. And chocolate ice cream makes me feel better.. So why has it failed on me now?

I can sit an watch sappy, tear jerker movies, to make me feel better. I enjoy seeing fake love, and superficial story lines some how.. And for some odd ass reason, that is still unbeknownst to me. I guess, for some reason it gives me hope, and hope for what I have no clue. I have a good marriage, and a good life... So what else is there to hope for?

I stress out over the strangest things. And sometimes, I feel like a fool when I look back on it, because I freaked out over it. It reminds me that I am still human, and that I will stress over the stupid things.

I cry about alot of things. I cry when I get so angry, I can't function. I cry when I get frustrated. I cry when I miss things, remember the good times, think about my little brother, fight with my husband, feel worthless, when I am depressed, or just sad... I cry and sometimes I never even know the reason why... As the tears fall down my face, I feel like I can't do anything at that point. When I cry, its me.. I have nothing left of me.. Thats what I have come down to. I hate it when I cry though, I feel vunerable, and flesh hearted, which is so easily hurt.

I have happiness, and find in it the strangest of ways... I can catch a glimpse of the sunset, and somehow find the faith in it. I see colorful flowers in a world full of black and white, and know that I will make it through. I see little kids running and playing around, and laugh knowing that there is still some good left in the world. I close my eyes, and feel my baby move around, and realize I am going to be a Mother... Which is an all new feeling for me. I bow my head and pray to ask for happiness.. The kind that God has had planned for us, for many years now.. I open my eyes, and often see it around me, even though, looking at my left hand, says it all with one little "thing".

I get sad when I feel alone on a decision or situation that means alot to me. I can be easily pushed around when I feel like I am no longer wanted or needed. I hate being alone, even though you're right beside me. I hate feeling so far away from you, in my heart...

Though, today was the first time- I got to go down to the beach.. I watched the waves swell up, and crash upon the shore... I watched Dads hold their daughters while the cold water flooded passed them. I got to dig my feet into the sand, and feel at peace. I listened to the water, and it reminded of life, hope, and happiness...

Original Publish Date: 3/10/09