Words of Wisdom

I am usually someone that my friends or people in general come to, to talk to; Which I personally love, because it lets me know that they value my advice or look up to me in a sense for wisdom on whatever it may be.


I have been often told that I know just what to say to make things better, or that my advice was just what they needed to get through something that was going on in their life. No questions asked, I will help and offer my words to who ever it may be. I hate seeing people hurt, discouraged, or any other feeling that brings them down. I want to lift their spirits and their hearts, and help them refocus their eyes on the good, instead of concentrating on the bad.

Sometimes I find those people who take me for granted with such a thing, and for those people, it’s truly their loss. I don’t worry myself with it, nor let it burden me. If they were truly someone that was meant to stay in my life, they would have without being short changed.

This is simply my message to those who I have helped through my words.

"Do not assume that she who comforts your now, lives untroubled among the simple and quiet words that sometimes do your heart and mind good. Her life may also have much sadness and difficulty that remains far beyond yours. Were it otherwise, she would have never been able to find such words.

There are instances where words are simply words. They are the one thing that you can’t take back, so be careful how you fight with them, how you love with them, and how you hurt with them. They can put you on top of the world, and turn around a burn it to the ground. We all know the expressions “actions speak louder than words” and “actions speak volumes”, what happened to the value of someone’s word? Knowing such things, all I offer is my wisdom expressed through words, expressed through me recapping my experiences. Using words, simple words. Don’t say things you don’t mean, but do things you mean to say."

"Alis Volat Propriis"

"Alis Volat Propriis"

Words that are close to my heart, and forever on my skin. These three words strike a deep chord in my life and in my heart. 

"I always soared high on confident wings, almost like my feet never touched the ground"

I've always been an independent person through out my life, very head strong and confident as well. Though, there came a time in my life, in which I was none of the characteristics listed above. I had lost myself.

My wings had been clipped.

I became like a trapped bird, caged up and under constant fire. I would cry behind closed doors. I would hurt underneath the masks I wore. I would laugh under fake circumstances. I would believe in something which only existed in a book. I was slowly fading into the shadows of a dark room.

Clipped wings grow weak as they can not fly.

One day something changed in me, as the seasons bring change to the world, drastic yet beautiful. I soon started to realize that the reflection staring back at me was becoming more whole, and full of life again. Over some time, there stood confidence, happiness, faithfullness, and simply me.

I was caged no more.

Standing my ground, not being that doormat; there I was. That changed cause alot of problems, and brought on new sights. I brought myself back to life, and that was not going to change ever again. In doing so, I one day, found myself wearing alot more than my usual. Carrying around more troubles than the world could bear. Hurting unlike ever before.

Mirrors don't lie, and concealer doesn't hide everything.

At the end of my rope.. I terrorized the walls of my cage, I had to get out. I had to leave and not look back. I couldn't think twice about what was going to happen, I just had to do it. I had to go and go far away

Left an empty cage.

Getting back on my own two feet was hard and a bit shaky at times. I lost my balance frequently, but now I am standing strongly, and on my own two feet.

The beauty of extended wings.

Now, moving forward, and at the most vibrant and fullest I have ever bee in this world; I carry on. I don't take a single day for granted, and I live with no regrets. I love as hard as I know how to, because I will never know where the end is. I am happy with this outcome and faithfully welcome the future and whatever it may bring. I found my voice, my faith, my wings- there's no stopping or changing it now.

She Flies on Her Own Wings.

Discovery by Challenging

Life is one big game, if you will. I personally believe that its all predetermined for each of us. Now, I only speak for myself and no one else. We all go thru our own trials and tribulations, some are mean as a test; a test of our faith, our awareness, or simply our hearts. These hard times can often be lessons; some in disguise for those that must learn the hard way, and other times as raw as a naked body- the lesson is evident; Which ever way they appear in our lives, we may not see or understand the "why" to it, until its all over.

Life's challenges aren't supposed to paralyze you, instead they're supposed to help you discover who you are. No matter how ugly the situation may be, ultimately there is a reason for it, and in all reality you have to simply deal with it and take care of it. If you were to try and run from it, the release from it would be very temporary, because as soon as you stop to catch your breath, its knocking at your door once again. We all, at times, fall under the conviction of being stubborn or ignorant at one point or another, and may try to stay at a constant run, "high speed, low drag", as my Dad would say, it is then that you will find yourself in a bigger bind than you began in. These are things that you can not run from. They are a path in life that you are going to have to walk down, like it or not.

When you're brought to a tough place in life, and it seems as though you may not make it through, just know in your heart, and with all your heart that you will in fact make it through. Do not doubt what you do not know. There is a reason that this chaos was brought to your front steps. Know that there will be someone to help you up when you fall. Knowing this, harbors into something like Faith, in fact the exact same thing. As simple as it is to put it words, its one of the hardest things to do.

You have to begin to trust and believe in yourself, and grow confident in who you are. Through the challenges, whatever they come to form as, there is always an upside. It may be hard to find it at the moment, and may take some amount of time to find and gain its understand, but is there. Each day, doors open and close in our lives, by the decisions that we make. In that same note, we are the ones who control and decide what bridges to take and which ones to burn.

Discovering one's self doesn't happen overnight, or may not happen over decades, as its a never ended journey until they day that your last breath escapes from your lungs; it is then that you may have fully discovered and explored every inch of your being. You heart. Your soul. Your mind. Your life. Life is going to be what you make of it, so don't let challenging days waste your time in believing that you can not move forward and overcome whatever is going on. Life is a beautiful masterpiece waiting for its artist, so step up to the plate and start to paint.

The Gift of Words from One Heart to Another

Corinthians 16:13

13"Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith;

be men of courage; be strong".

14"Do everything in love".

A friend off me this scripture to share, being close to his heart, and possibly for mine to find comfort in as well. Upon reading it, once or twice, I noticed that it touched on different places in my life, my heart, and my faith. These simple words covered so much ground, encasing my heart in its reliability of being truthful.

When I read it again for the final time, before I pick up my pen, I break it down in my head; fragment by fragment; and word for word. All of it touching my heart and turning the wheels in my head; stirring up my thoughts to pour onto paper in the disguise of words.

"Be on your guard"

To watch or be cautious of the snares that have been set by the enemey or enemies of your heart. At the same time, do not disreguard the unfamiliar, because you do not know, just keep your eyes peeled. I know that I have this horrible habit of predetermining the outcome of situations and beating myself up before it ever happens, now I must steer clear of this habitual action, for each new discovery may lead to a new path, in which I do not know what is in store.

"Stand firm in the faith"

My faith is strong, though like many things, has a tendency to grow weary, and sometimes even flat out weak. I fall down at times, and not sure if I can get up, but with a faithful heart, and a hopeful hand; I'll look up and ask for help. I know that where I may be, I can confide in what I know in my heart, and the knowledge that He's provided me through the years and expereiences of my life.

"Be men of courage"

By definition it means "the quality of the mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc, without fear; bravery". To me it also emits a sense of strength, which begins to touch next. To know when to walk away and have the courage to do so, full heartedly, faithfully, and confidently. No matter how it appears, I know that with all my heart I will  make it through. God has already made sure of that. He put me here in this situation for a reason, He will bring me through whatever is before me, and He will make sure that I come out survived.  In God's hands I am protected.

"Be strong"

Although self explanatory; strength has many faces, and many costumes, but I know that I have found mine through the costumes I once wore. Through the masks I put on each day. I have found mine. Its real. Its mine. Its God given.

Lastly..

"Do everything in love"

I have a daily reminder of what the product of love can bring; and she's my whole world. I know that love has been the greatest gift to me, and at the same time, has caused me the most pain. Either way, you can't seem to live without it. With one comes the other; but in that pain- you learn to love harder, stronger and longer.

Words are often more than just words; they can be the comfort that someone needs; The dream that for someone came true; The news that all dread to hear; Or the words that tear their world apart; Whichever comes out of a speaker's mouth towards you; choose your defense wisely, and protect your heart.

Resentful Changes

Changing who you are, is hard; there really isn't much of a word to be found to decribe the actual feeling... I just know the feeling, personally. I'd never want to watch someone go thru it, like someone did to me, carelessly.

I changed who I was for someone, in hopes to bring back the good. In the midst of it all, I lost who I was. I lost my voice. I remember the pain I endured; the pain of letting go of things I have cherished all my life, but bit the bullet, and did it anyway. "Good can only come of this, in the end", I'd tell myself that. Wether I actually believed it, I'm not sure.

I took amounts of blame, responsibilities; mine or not. I made excuses for actions which were inexcusable. The end of the day, I'd just close my eyes, and drown everything out.

There's not much to recall from those days; each good memory was followed, and sometimes interrupted by a far more horrible one. Always a fight. Always intent to hurt. Where is love supposed to dwell in the middle of that? Can or will it survive? Making a long story short... It didnt.

I tried becoming someone ideal, according to the words out of somone's mouth; in turn the same who's words were basted with venom, soaking deep into my skin. Regardless of it all, I still walked on, steadily changing things, right and left.

Disheartened by the ignorance of everything that I had  done, I quit. I gave up. I truly put my hands up, and said "You won". I had to realize that giving up didn't make me weak, and that I was strong enough to realize it was time to let go.

Now, free from what had once bound me, I find myself contemplating those days, my actions, asking myself, "What was I thinking" and "What was I trying to accomplish"?

This is what I have come to;

"Consider how hard it is to change yourself, and you'll understand the little chance you have in changing others".

Fistfuls of Sand

Quietly, and contently, I watched my daughter play, listening to her laugh, and shake my head at the thought and sight of the mess she's making of herself, playing in the sand.

I watched, as she'd plunge her hands, as deep as she could get them, in the sand, slowly and carefully inspecting the way she brought it to the surface; open handedly, trusting and careful. Though, the second her excitement got the best of her, she clenched her fist, watching the sand seap thru the spaces between her fingers.

It dawned on me, how such a small senario as such, related to so many things in life. At the same time, it amazed me, at how such an overwhelming concept came from child's play, and the innocence in it.

Relationships. Relationships of any, are like the sand, captured in my daughter's dainty hands. When its held gently, loosely, and with an open hand, the sand remains in place. When the excitement of life shatters the control, and the hands start to close, the tighter the grip, the harder its squeezed, the more that is lost; trickling thru her fingers, just like that sand. Some may have still remained, but most of it is lost.

Holding something cherished, with respect, freedom and trust for it will more likely keep it all intact. Holding it too tightly, too possessively, too controlling will cause it to wilt, slip away, until its completely gone.

Quoted

Today, I read something by Amercan Playwright, August Wilson, and for some reason it simply stood out to me, etching its words into my heart. Wilson wrote;

    
     "Confront the dark point of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength."

I read it over again a few times, and let the words soak up into me, like a dry sponge drinking up every last bit of water in a puddle, it was then I realized it was hitting close to home. When I write, it tends to exute a more sober feeling than anything else; people often ask if I am okay, and the answer to that is yes. This is my healing process; Writing is part of my healing.

We all have our own demons, some far worse than others. My demons tend to take form as trust and mistrust. I trust myself and a select few that I can count on one hand. Everyone else that falls in and aroud my life, I will keep you at a safe distance of an arms length. I don't trust people well, but I do make sure I am worthy of someone else's trust.

I may have forgiven those who've done me wrong, giving fuel to these demons that were once harbored into my soul, but its doesn't mean I let them win. It doesn't mean that they are still draining the life from me. What it does me is that I haven't forgotten what has happened. It goes back to the elementry saying "forgive, but never forget"; that is where I am.

I have predetermined myself that I will overcome the wreckage that was made of my life and begin to rebuild the foundation that makes me who I am. The angels in which surround me in my daily walk, have never had such a volume as they do now. Their rejoices only impact mine more.

The pain, I know is only temporary. It will leave every bit of me in due time, as I have to allow myself to heal, and heal wholly. I will walk away from this fire, untouched, unscathed, clean, refreshed, and whole.

I have declared myself a strong woman, because I choose to win this battle each and every day.

None VS. All

None VS. All

There is a type of person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, and becomes nothing. They may avoid the suffering and sorrow now, but they simply cannot learn and feel, change and grow, live and love.



Then there is another; one who risks it all in hopes of change, does everything to assure room for growth, becomes something close to ideal as a result of learning, gaining the world when they finally let them self live and know what it is to love. This person may not directly or intentionally avoid any suffering or sorrow, but whatever may come their way, will be handled beautifully.



I’ve found that out of these two people, one will end up hurt; miserably as a result of the lack of the other person, entirely. Though, when its said and done, their heart may know many boundaries, but it can offer someone worthy a far greater devotion that ever thought possible.



Eventually, the latter person will come to realize what has been lost, and try every avenue but them self to blame. Regret? No, not yet, if ever. In due time, it becomes clear out of a foggy haze what kind of path they lead; when that time comes they will pull out all the stops; trying to gain any single reaction coming from whatever emotion they can get; good or bad. Sooner or later, their actions will be stamped as unnoticed and uncared for, it is at this time when they truly realize what they’ve done.



So I ask you this; “Is it better to have it all, and not care because you know its there, or have nothing at all and know its gone because of you”?

 
 
*If you read this, feel free to comment with your answer*

Meaning.

Sometimes I find that I simply exist through each day, without effect. I often wonder if I am truly worth the things that I have been blessed with.

I watch the days, minutes, and seconds that have been hard, like a movie reel playing through my eyes. I try to understand all the many trials that my heart has known, and the life that I have.

Those who know me, close to their heart, see me confident, stubborn, and strong; although when I am alone, I get the best of myself and start to question, “How is it that I have made it this long”?

At times, I try too hard to grasp the understanding of anything, I’ve come to realize. To analyze and guess; to scrutinize, judge and investigate. This part of my life I come to confess.

I feel that somewhere, deeper than the flesh of a heart and one’s own understanding, that there is more meaning to this life. I know there is a difference to be made, relief from the reasons and causes of strife.

What is missing? I see what appears to be an incomplete agenda waiting somewhere to be found. I try not to question what greater purpose may arise if and when the beating of my own heart is the only heard sound. We all know how that goes though.

I catch a small grasp of the silver lining as it taunts and teases me; Always slightly out sight, only to be felt once just before it was ripped from my fingertips, becoming nothing but a hazy vision now out of reach. Finding its place where the darkness suffocates the light.

I try to analyze and bring the clarity to what could possibly await me out there, yet the harder I try, the more I struggle. Eventually, I let this bittersweet illusion fade before my eyes. In a round-about-way it just serves to add more unanswered questions.

I keep telling myself to let the control slip thru my fingers, like the sand escaping between my open fingers, and to not try to gain the understanding of it all. It will come. When? Can we ever truly know just what we have in store?

Each encounter, every moment passed, enumerate upon the next. Eventually, as it comes to cease, I will find closure, inspiration and advice; or will I be left perplexed?

Knowingly, I make it harder that it has to be sometimes; I am rest assured that in my search, I will find my reason, find my meaning to this ever crazy beautiful disaster of life.

I refuse to be left broken or confused as I am now, while all my unanswered questions bring no solitude, it will all be apparent, visible and in reach, somehow.