Talking to Myself.

I reflect on just about every second of my life, and some would call it being over-skeptical; which could possibly be the very thing that I am doing, then others call it simply taking it all in. Either way, to me; it doesn't matter, I can't help but do it. It's the way that I get through each day, and every action that I made in that day.

I sit back, and I think to myself, "Do I just expect too much? Am I the one not doing enough? I wonder if I am the problem here? I go through this long list of questions I am asking myself, and I answer each one of them too. Sometimes, I really don't know if I actually have the right one or not. But its an answer; Something to go off of for the moment.

Sometimes these answers to those questions, are just me being hard on myself, and being mean to myself.. Its really how it is. I probably do expect too much, and not give enough or try hard enough. The years worth of hard work still hasn't paid off, and I can see that clearly, and I begin to wonder if it ever will? I honestly never realized that expecting something would be the wrong way of going about something, but aparently it is. "Have I always had these crazy high expectations?" Maybe. I'm sure that's part the result of so many let downs..

I could go on for days with this little conversation with myself.. Most of the time, they're never good, or light hearted. I feel much more comfortable talking to myself, because I know that I am the one person who won't say hurtful things just to hurt. If that even makes sense. Half the time, the things that I say or think to myself, don't even make sense. "Does this make me crazy?"