Dealing.

This past month, seems like, has been especially hard for myself, and my family. My Great Grandmother passed away, as a result of a Cancer that was recently found. She was a character, I tell you! I personally wasn't as close to her as I wish I was, now seeing the wonderful impact she's made on other family members' lives.

On top of that, two days ago, I recieved the news that my Grandmother recieved the results back from her Lung Biopsy, and it wasn't good new. Anything but, really. When I got the phone call from my Mom, it was like my whole world came crashing down, and I had nothing to support it. I was, and still just numb from the news. I hate that I am 1400 miles away from her, and I can't help her.

I don't know really how to handle this situation.. I can't imagine losing someone like my Grandma, or my Grandpa, or anyone for that matter. I feel like I haven't had enough time with her, to make sure that she knows that I love her. I am 20 years old, and its still not enough time. I want her to grow old, because she still isnt!! She's still that lady that crawled up on my Palomino horse, Playboy, with margarita in hand, ready to ride off!! I can't imagine my life without her. She's my Mimi. My daughter was just getting to know her every morning, while I was still in Texas. I want her to grow up knowing that her Mimi is the coolest and bestest [yes, I said bestest] Great Grandma in the world! I'm not ready to give her up yet. Yes, I know that is being selfish, but aren't I allowed to?? She's my Mimi. Mine. I love her too much to let her go yet, or anytime soon for that matter. My favorite, and happiest memories of my life, have included her and my Poppi, were with the two of them, or about the two of them. I can't let those go. I am not going to.

I hate this part of the cycle of life. I don't like it, and frankly I don't understand it. I hate it. Yes, I HATE IT. I wish I could change it, but I know that God planned this part of it, just as much as He planned birth as well. I hate thinking of her in pain, or hurting or knowning that something is wrong. I could never picture her being anything but this strong, crazy spirited woman, I call my Mimi. I hate this feeling I have over taking my whole body. I just want to run back to her, and make sure she knows how much I love her.