It's the Hurt Before the Healing.

I have never been able to understand how life works, as many times as I have tried, I fail...miserably. I try to wrap my head around it, and as soon as I think that I know, sure enough, something gives me a huge rude awakening. I have just accepted the fact that maybe this is just something that we need to just go on without knowing how it works. I like knowing how things will pan out, and having a plan for everything. Its hard for me to function when I don't know about something, or how its going to work.

I have this huge mess that has encompassed everything that is close to my heart and that means anything to me. Me, trying to weed out the problems, is only making it worse. I thought that if I tried to plan out how I could fix it myself, that I could accomplish it, but instead it had an adverse effect on it. I don't know how to go about making it right again. I wonder if it was everything that I have been trying to do that's made this all into total chaos. Its like running thru thorn bushes in a bikini! It hurts, every which way you turn, you're getting cut and stabbed. You bleed, it dries and scabs over, just to end up opened again.

The only way I think about it and accept it; is thinking of it like a rose. If you over water it, it dies. Don't fertilize it enough, doesn't bloom like it should, wilts and dies. Plant it too shallow, it dies. Over fertilize, it suffocates the roots, and dies. You have to have the precise instruction to accurately grow such a plant. Not sure how I can achieve to getting it right, down to the tee, but I am going to keep trying.