Thinking Out Loud

Today my mind is ransacked with thoughts, memories, mixed emotions and dark clouds. “I want clarity”, I scream to myself countless times, daily. I know that trying to pick thru them, one by one, I will not get anywhere, just another headache, and something else to add to this shit list.


Thoughts; Random things have their tendency to flutter into my non-stop path of thought. Some that aren’t really worth my time to think about, yet I still try to unwind that ball of yarn. Others, that deserve ample amount of time, which I wont give, in fear of the feelings it may unveil, simply sit there.

Memories; Today, on the painful side of things. Loss. Heartbreak. Hurt. Anger. Stress. All vital in some weird way to help me pick up all the pieces. Right now, not spending too much time on just one single memory, kind of letting them flow thru like a running film strip. Some I will pause for a few seconds to bring back those feelings of happiness and contentment, and others that I will fast forward in hopes of becoming forgetful or an usual case of instant and selective amnesia.

Frustrations; They sit on the forefront of my sleeve right now… Anger right along next to it. Misery loves company, right? I am not one to put or take out such things on anyone or even lead on that there’s something wrong. These two emotions cause a huge stir in my heart and mind, unleashing a flood of never ending words…

Peeling away each layer is hard… Identifying one thing to the next is like trying to untangle a gold chain. The problems is obvious, and right there, but each participating part looks just like the next.
In time, I know that this storm will pass... Like they all do…