Washed Away

I close my eyes, as the wind runs its fingers thru my hair; The coming waves dance across my feet, as the sound of it all, captivates my ears. All the while, letting these memories be carried away with each wave, as I begin to forget about you.

Wrapping my arms tighter around one another, I open my eyes to catch a glimpse of the amber sunset, knowing a new day is to come.

Strolling along the shoreline, a smile breaks my stone expression, when the sound of laughter fills my ears. Watching the greatest joy of my life, take in hers. She gives me hope in the things that are good in this world. She is the epitome of sheer beauty and happiness.

Each wave hits my skin, stealing away those memories that have weighed me down for too long. Taken away from the all the fear, the pain, scars and heartbreak. I pray for only the best for my daughter, and to never endure such feelings.

With a deep breath, I let your final memory go, and drop the last symbolic item of you in the coming wave, and in the last ounce of sunlight, I walk away, for you are no more.

Thinking Out Loud

Today my mind is ransacked with thoughts, memories, mixed emotions and dark clouds. “I want clarity”, I scream to myself countless times, daily. I know that trying to pick thru them, one by one, I will not get anywhere, just another headache, and something else to add to this shit list.


Thoughts; Random things have their tendency to flutter into my non-stop path of thought. Some that aren’t really worth my time to think about, yet I still try to unwind that ball of yarn. Others, that deserve ample amount of time, which I wont give, in fear of the feelings it may unveil, simply sit there.

Memories; Today, on the painful side of things. Loss. Heartbreak. Hurt. Anger. Stress. All vital in some weird way to help me pick up all the pieces. Right now, not spending too much time on just one single memory, kind of letting them flow thru like a running film strip. Some I will pause for a few seconds to bring back those feelings of happiness and contentment, and others that I will fast forward in hopes of becoming forgetful or an usual case of instant and selective amnesia.

Frustrations; They sit on the forefront of my sleeve right now… Anger right along next to it. Misery loves company, right? I am not one to put or take out such things on anyone or even lead on that there’s something wrong. These two emotions cause a huge stir in my heart and mind, unleashing a flood of never ending words…

Peeling away each layer is hard… Identifying one thing to the next is like trying to untangle a gold chain. The problems is obvious, and right there, but each participating part looks just like the next.
In time, I know that this storm will pass... Like they all do…

Hating You

The sickening feeling I get when I have to hear your voice, or when I have to see your face. I never thought it was possible for me to hate someone, but you have earned each and every bit of it. You have caused certain areas of my heart to blacken, and become so infested with malice, its unreal.


Any reminder of you, makes me want to light it afire and watch it burn. I have done it to so many now already, watching them turn to ash, I only wish the memory in my brain would too.

I truly never thought that this sort of feeling was possible for me, because I am so against the word “hate” but I have conquered that mountain in myself. I know what it is to feel it, and live it. I hate you. Its simple. I wish nothing to be a part of you, and unfortunately there is something so innocent and precious in my life that you aren’t worthy of, in which ties you to me. If only I could cut all ties. If only. Its not like it would make any difference to you.

The anger wells up inside my mind, and there is stays. I do not lash out at anything or anyone, because its not theirs to be felt. Its yours. One day, I know, it is not me that will convict you for the things you have done. Though as for now, you’re getting away with it. God works in a way that we do not understand, and ultimately it is Him who decides.

Contradicting much? Using “hate” and God in the same passage? I am not perfect. I am not a perfect Christian, but the feeling I have for you, sums itself up in the word “Hate”. I pray for forgiveness for possessing such a feeling, as I know we should not hate. But that is the least of it.

I watch myself climb, and grow greater, more successful and happier on this path, and I look down, and there you. No more rear view mirrors here.. Not looking back ever again. The past is the past, and I won’t return, because nothing about it is appealing. The though did cross my mind a time or two, for the simple well being of something to precious, but time proved that too, with the support and love provided nothing changed without you there, just made it better. Happier. Safer.

Hate, by definition;
To dislike intensely or passionately; feel extreme aversion for.

Who needs a definition really, when you feel it in every being of who you are?