I am exhausted, so freaking exhausted from trying not to let myself get hurt; From trying to be strong enough to stand toe to toe with you, and hold my own; From fighting with you with everything I have; From protecting my heart and soul;From just crying out with every ounce of my being...
I am so tired of this every day struggle with you, with myself, and with the world between us. I can no longer do it. I can longer take this, anymore. I've reached my breaking point and I am just broken.
I feel like I've been sucked into another black hole thats only set me back further, and I can't get my way out of it, not feeling like this. I just cry, because I am so lost, and I don't know what to do anymore. I have no where to turn to ask, nor to watch their path.
I can't keep from feeling, but I want to stop this feeling that I feel. I am so tired of just crying and because of you. You say you're sorry, and when its meant, their actions change. Everything about them changes when they are truly sorry. Haven't I proven that to you?
Besides the pain and hurt seen on the outside, my heart on the inside is dying, and I don't know how to stop it... I do what I can to accept responsibility for what I've done and did, and try to move and take the steps needed to get this better, and I get no where. I get slapped in face, and shut down. I can't do it anymore.
Happiness does not exist in me anymore, is what I feel like as I go thru the motions of the day. I am not strong enough to do this... I can only take so much, and now I've crumbled to pieces and left to nothing.
My heart aches with so much pain and hopelessness... My eyes are swollen and a different shade of blue as I cry. My hands are shaky and I feel like I can't carry this hallow ghost of person anymore.
I'm stuck at this fork in the road, and I have no idea which way to take; The road less traveled or the one that I already know. I have my head bowed and my hands up to the heavens begging for something to lift me up.. Please...
I can't hold on, but letting go is something I can't do, even if I wanted to.
I am so tired of this every day struggle with you, with myself, and with the world between us. I can no longer do it. I can longer take this, anymore. I've reached my breaking point and I am just broken.
I feel like I've been sucked into another black hole thats only set me back further, and I can't get my way out of it, not feeling like this. I just cry, because I am so lost, and I don't know what to do anymore. I have no where to turn to ask, nor to watch their path.
I can't keep from feeling, but I want to stop this feeling that I feel. I am so tired of just crying and because of you. You say you're sorry, and when its meant, their actions change. Everything about them changes when they are truly sorry. Haven't I proven that to you?
Besides the pain and hurt seen on the outside, my heart on the inside is dying, and I don't know how to stop it... I do what I can to accept responsibility for what I've done and did, and try to move and take the steps needed to get this better, and I get no where. I get slapped in face, and shut down. I can't do it anymore.
Happiness does not exist in me anymore, is what I feel like as I go thru the motions of the day. I am not strong enough to do this... I can only take so much, and now I've crumbled to pieces and left to nothing.
My heart aches with so much pain and hopelessness... My eyes are swollen and a different shade of blue as I cry. My hands are shaky and I feel like I can't carry this hallow ghost of person anymore.
I'm stuck at this fork in the road, and I have no idea which way to take; The road less traveled or the one that I already know. I have my head bowed and my hands up to the heavens begging for something to lift me up.. Please...
I can't hold on, but letting go is something I can't do, even if I wanted to.
All of these you write about remind me of what I went through. Every bit of what I've read tell now makes that broken part of my heart hurt all over again. Makes it wince as if it has a sole just as I do and it’s carrying the pain for us both. I don't know everything that happened and I can't feel your pain or know your thoughts myself, but know that I truly have felt what you felt. I've hurt more than any person should hurt and felt pain greater than anything I physical could feel. It wasn't my heart that hurt, but my very sole that was impaled. Alyssa I don't know why God pushes me to talk to you when I feel like it falls on deaf ears or a resentful heart, but here I am. I've crossed your road and tasted the kind of "venom" you've tasted and I hoped with all my heart you didn't have to go what you went through, but none the less you did, And I'm deeply and truly sorry. And if I was a part of the cause to any of it I'm sorry, I'm so SO very sorry. I can't take back or change any of it but I can live a changed life. And Because of those torturous trials I'm getting stronger every day. The pain hasn't gone away and the memories still remain. But if there is anything God has taught me through these trials and rough terrain is that God should be glorified and great is His holy name. Because what if the trials of this life are His mercies in disguise.
ReplyDeleteKris