Looking back as far as four years ago now, I have questioned almost every single decision that I made from that point until now.
"Why did I leave with him? What was the REAL reason I married him? Why did I let it continue? Why didn't I leave after the first hit? Second? Third? Where was my spine at this point? Why was I afraid? I know staying together for our child won't work, why am I still here? Cheated on me again, and yet I stay? Am I weak? Am I not strong enought to walk away?''
There are about a million questions that I could ask, and that I could type right now that would fill this page for ages, and eventually it would run out of memory or room to type. As much as I question myself, I don't wish to change any of it. I know that at the time I would have found a reason or an excuse to why it is that I did what I did.
I was told, when I became pregnant, that from now on its going to be full of decisions some tough and some easier than most! And to whoever said that to me, you are so right! The hours creep by, but the years are flying away too fast from my grips!
Big events came and went in my life, anniversaries, birthdays, funerals, fights, police visits, court dates, mediations, and then divorce, with my daughter caught in the middle.
Going into it, I wanted to be this cut throat evil woman, and I had every right to do so. I had all the tools to make it happen as well. But then I had the urge to actually do what is right, and not what I wanted to do. This was NOT ABOUT ME, about about a very important little girl who deserves so much better.
